Mothering Forward
Some things I’m doing differently in my mothering this time around
Auden turned six years old a couple months ago, so that means I’ve been a mom for six years. Six years! And now that Tommy is a year old, I am about to enter the toddler era for the third time. It’ll be my third time watching my baby take his first steps, dealing with big feelings, picky eating, tantrums, car naps, and eventually the dreaded potty training. We put away the infant carseat/stroller just yesterday. (Yes, I did cry a little.)
It’s funny. I’ve been dreading toddlerhood so much but now that it’s here I’m remembering how fun it is too. I’m actually excited! When it’s your own kid, somehow the sticky hands and snot and tears and whining is more do-able. It’s hard, yes, but it’s also so special.
It’s made me reflective about my journey as a mom. After George was born, I remember feeling so overwhelmed and overstimulated by it all. I hired a college student to come for a few hours a week to play with Auden and look after George just to give me some breathing room. At the time, I felt like I really needed that. And no judgment! Maybe I did. But now? I feel much more sure of myself and much more equipped. I have so much more confidence!
So, as I enter this new season with a six year old, four year old, and now an almost toddler, I’m thinking…what will I do the same? What will I do differently? I am by no means an expert. I still have so much to learn. But I have learned a little, so here’s what I’m thinking:
1. Extended Breastfeeding
The last few times I felt this weird pressure to stop breastfeeding around a year. I thought that was what I was “supposed” to do. I’d always heard passive aggressive comments about breastfeeding toddlers, comments that belittled and made fun. This time, I’m doing what I want to do and ignoring the comments from the peanut gallery. Of course, I’ll follow Tommy’s lead. As long as we both want to, we will continue to breastfeed. When we are both ready, we will stop. This is what my intuition is telling me, so I’m going to listen to that and tune everything else out.
2. Don’t stress the picky eating
I am not going to worry so much when Tommy won’t eat dinner. Auden was so, so, so picky for many years and it stressed me out so much. And now? He’s a decent eater! All that worry for nothing. Our philosophy with the older two is to give very small portions and have them finish what is given. It works most of the time. Our philosophy with Tommy will be to offer the food and if he doesn’t want to eat it, fine, but he doesn’t get an alternative. That may change—I’m giving myself permission to switch course if necessary. What hopefully won’t change is that I do not want to stress about it! Picky eating does not make me a bad mom. It’s just a phase that some kids go through. I have the experience now to know I don’t need to sweat it so much.
3. Don’t rush to the next stage
There is no need to stress out about your toddler growing up. He’ll get there when he gets there. I am not going to worry if Tommy is a late walker or is late to talk. Both Auden and George were and it made me worry so unnecessarily. Tommy probably will be late, just like his brothers. That’s okay! We’ll do therapy if we need it but I am not going to worry about it. He’ll get there when he gets there. I’m not going to rush him into a big boy bed—what’s the rush? Keep him in the crib as long as we can; that’s my two cents. I’m not going to start potty training the minute he turns two. Nope. Not this time. I’ll wait until he’s ready. Some kids are on the slower end of things and that is okay. It does not make me a bad mom! I’m a good mom for meeting my kiddo where he’s at.
4. It’s okay to ignore your kids
This one is a bit controversial, I know. But I have found that out there in the mom-world (i.e. the internet) there is so much about engaging and playing with your children. And that’s great! But it’s also okay to do the laundry. And tidy the house. And cook dinner. And (gasp!) read a book. It’s okay to tell your kids to play on their own. It’s okay to “ignore” your children and let them be kids. I am the mom. I am not their playmate. They can play together and play on their own and they do not need my constant attention. I know people will have different thoughts about it, but that’s mine.
5. Trust your intuition
I have come to trust myself more in the last couple years. In my early motherhood, I was looking to all the “experts” out there to tell me exactly what to do but it just ended up making me feel like a failure. Especially when it came to discipline. Now, with a little experience under my belt, I feel like I can trust my own gut more. And if I need advice, I go to my own mom or my mother-in -law, who’ve raised nine kids between them, and not some strangers on the internet.
6. Savor who your kids are
One of my favorite things to do lately is snuggle with my older two at bedtime. I go into their rooms (usually George first and then Auden). I snuggle up next to them and look them in the eyes and ask them to tell me about their day. They always feel so special and loved when I do this, and I will treasure the funny things that come out of their mouths when they’re one-on-one with me. Since we have three kids, I don’t always get special alone time, so being intentional is important. All of this to say, I want to savor who my kids are at this moment and who they are becoming. I know from these past six years that time goes by so fast, so I want to make sure I remember to slow down and just be with each of them.
That’s it, folks!
As always, thanks for reading. Feel free to leave a comment if you want to share anything you’ve learned or anything you’re doing differently now in your parenting.
P.S. Did you know I wrote a book!? You can buy it here